I suppose a few words on why I’m here are warranted. I was recently promoted! Hurrah, how great for me. The only thing is I don’t feel all that excited. Talk about your first world problems, am I right? I realize I’ve been following this path with no real understanding of where it was taking me or how I’d feel along the way. When I was in school I worked hard for good grades because that’s sort of what you do. In college I ended up in the business building because I have an aptitude for analytics, plus the math was a lot easier than in the Science building. Literature courses were always my favorite, but even to 19 year old me that didn’t feel like a pragmatic choice in major. So I took my Finance diploma and ran right out the door to find the Great Recession waiting for me. Influenced heavily by that, I picked up the courses necessary to sit for the CPA exam and many study hours later had my credentials.
I chose accounting because I thought it would make me more employable and it was pretty closely related to my undergraduate degree. I was right! Thirty days into my first semester in graduate school I had a high paying internship. That sort of set the ball rolling to where I am now, a newly minted accounting manager. It’s such a natural course I don’t think anyone is surprised by the progression, except maybe me. Not surprised so much I guess, more… disenchanted. I didn’t enjoy any of the steps along the way. I felt accomplished with each new milestone, but that was laced with relief more than excitement. I was always ready to be done with one stage and optimistic for what the next would bring. I assumed that as long as I kept my head down and made progress that one day it would all sort of just click. I was waiting to be zapped.
So here I am. Still waiting. I no longer have the distraction of exertion, since first graduating I’ve always had something that felt productive keeping me occupied and optimistic: going back to school, getting my first “real” job, studying for the CPA, looking for the next job, learning my new role, being promoted. But now here I am, at what should be some sort of pinnacle, and still I’m waiting. I realize that I’m in control of my own destiny and that clichés are clichés for a reason. I would love to take charge. Point me in the direction of my passion project and watch how fast I quit my job. But that’s sort of it, the crux of it, I don’t know what I want to do and I don’t have some great aspiration dominating my thoughts. So for now I’ll just keep plugging away, trying to figure it out, waiting to be zapped.